so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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