We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
