I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
