you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
