Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
