Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
