Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Operation Purity has been aborted
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
