u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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