That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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