They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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