pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
