Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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