Too much gin, very little bucket
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
