Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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