Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
its liver damage thursday
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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