All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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