the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize