WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
