I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
