Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I am morally bankrupt
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
