walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you made out with another girl for some wings
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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