I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
