so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
