Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
