im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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