Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
