When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
