Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
