Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
