I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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