My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
