"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
