I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Randomize
