dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
