sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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