I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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