I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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