She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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