You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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