I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
