girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
