I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Someone came in the potted fern
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
