$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
