Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
