"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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