imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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