Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
