her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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