In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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