I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize