If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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