She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
