On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize