The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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