He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
