More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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