I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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