Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
