Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
