i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
