So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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