i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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