Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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