K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
