I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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