I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Non-Jews are for practice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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