There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your penis caused this!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
