if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
