I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
