I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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