I want to make a zoo with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
