just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
