Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
