sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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