At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
