I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Randomize
