Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
