a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
