It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
