i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
