last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
