dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
