I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
