I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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