i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
