sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
