dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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