There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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