I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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