That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
honey bunches of taint.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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