It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
