She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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