About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
