I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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