i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
