I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
