he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
