meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
