the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
