i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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