4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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