her vagine was all disorganized.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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