So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
