you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
