That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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